Archive for the ‘International Earth Destruction Advisory Board’ Tag

The Earth has been destroyed

Those of you who have been monitoring the International Earth Destruction Advisory Board’s Earth Destruction Alert level, mentioned in my previous blog entry, know that the Earth has been destroyed. The IEDAB has incremented their Geocide count to 1 and we are in condition red:

Current Earth-Destruction Status

The IEDAB indicates the following:

It is our duty to inform you that as of 7:35:05am UTC on September 10, 2008, the Earth has been destroyed.

The destruction of Earth was first reported by Mr Jonathan Barber of Wisconsin, United States, who spotted that his home-made seismic Earth Detector had ceased to give readings at around 8:00am (2am local time). Several other amateur geocide spotters noticed this at the same time but Mr. Barber was the first to place a telephone call to the IEDAB’s Geocide Hotline (+44 115 09Ω 4127, ask for Other Dave) at which point IEDAB officials performed an emergency check of their own instrumentation and verified Mr. Barber’s report, as well as fixing the exact time of geocide.

Evidence is still being collated, but preliminary results suggest that the Earth was destroyed pre-emptively by scientists at the Large Hadron Collider at CERN, Geneva, Switzerland, before the commencement of their experiments to locate the Higgs Boson, as a precautionary measure to ensure that the experiment itself could not result in the destruction of the Earth.

Whatever you do, don’t panic! The IEDAB has a helpful FAQ that I’d suggest you consult. Also, no doubt more news will be forthcoming shortly. I would also anticipate that there will be a memorial service for the Earth. I’ll forward information as it becomes available.